Inspirational Pinboard

Today's challenge is to share 3 things from my Pinterest board. I have definitely enjoyed using Pinterest. I've been able to find and try new recipes, and I enjoy broadening my creative side by seeing many of the do-it-yourself projects that others are doing.

I'm struggling with my head today (after a bad migraine yesterday), so today's post is going to have to be short. Here are some inspirational words that help me through these difficult times.

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Writing With Style

I don't really have one single writing style.

I've always loved handwriting in a journal. However, I don't write very quickly, and I've had increased physical pain in my neck and shoulder that prevent how much I'm able to hand write before being in too much pain.

The increased pain is one reason I started online blogging. I still deal with the pain, but I'm able to get more of my thoughts out because I can type much quicker than I can write.

Most of the time, words just flow from my mind to my fingertips... whether I'm writing by hand or typing on the computer. There are times that I simply can't seem to type as fast as my mind is going, but I do my best.

I have written notes all over the apartment... it drives my husband crazy! I'm working on combining them and using the computer / tablet / phone to keep the number of paper notes down. But, sometimes it's easiest to just jot down a note on a piece of paper, so I'll have to work on utilizing my other resources more.

As far as blogging goes, I write from our computer. Sometimes the words just flow out. Other times, I "sit on a post" for months before actually posting it. Even if I'm working through stuff, and I know that my blog is constantly changing, I still feel like I need to reach a certain point of real understanding before I post something. I don't like to "publish" unfinished thoughts, which is dumb because where does it end?! Just because I publish something, doesn't mean that I can't continue to think, change, grow. In fact, it's only healthy and natural that I do! But, I'm a perfectionist... I'm working on it, though.

I tend to get some of my best writing done late at night. I used to be a night owl, but I've been trying to make and keep a better sleep schedule. But, I can't just leave so many thoughts moving around in my head... I have to try to get them out. So, I write.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

My Dream Day

So, today's challenge is to write about my dream day - "Describe your ideal day. How would you spend your time? Who would you spend it with? Have you had this day? If not, how could you make it happen?"

I've been thinking about this prompt, and I'm not sure how much I really like it. Honestly, I don't think there's any sense in dreaming about a "dream day" that may never happen. I'm trying to live more in the present, and I feel like that would hinder my efforts.

© 2009 David Madden.

One of the greatest days of my life was my wedding day. I married the man of my dreams... the man beyond my dreams. God blessed me with a friend for life - he means so much to me. So many of our family and friends were able to join us and help us celebrate our union. The day was beautiful, the migraine monster stayed away, and I was able to enjoy being with my loved ones. What more could I ask for?!

Actually, there is more... We had an amazing photographer, who captured the day just beautifully. I've always loved photos because I'm able to somehow re-live those moments in a very real way. So, I'm happy to have such great pictures around the apartment to remind me of how blessed I am. Sometimes it's surreal to see me in the photos because I look completely happy... I was able to truly live in the moment and enjoy it all. The whole day was surreal, but I soaked it all in. I haven't figured out a way to completely surrender to the present moment, since that day... but the pictures remind me to keep trying.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Who Am I?

"Who am I without my disease(s)? What makes me more than just my disease(s)?"

What poignant questions! I'm not even sure how to answer them, but I'm going to try...

Before my accident, I had finally reached a point where I felt comfortable and confident in who I was. But, that was short-lived. My auto accident in October 2008 changed my life forever. I suddenly couldn't do the things that I had been so good at. I struggled with doing things that were core to who I was. And, that threw me into quite a state of panic and depression. Suddenly, everything was different... and yet, I still felt like the "old me" was just trapped inside of a now-damaged body. But, chronic migraines... chronic pain... changes people.

I'm a woman of faith. I'm a loving wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter... I'm a perfectionist still trying to adjust to living life with chronic pain. I enjoy scrapbooking, writing, and spending time with those I love. I am blessed beyond measure. I enjoy helping others. I love with my whole heart. And, I hope my life reflects my deep love for my Lord.

I really need to give these questions some more thought, as I continue to grow and change. But, thanks for posing the questions.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC), and the April 2012 edition of the Patients for a Moment Carnival.

Things I Need & Love

Today's challenge is to write about 10 things I couldn't live without... for example, if I was stranded on an island. Well, living with chronic pain / illness can actually sometimes feel like being alone on a stranded island. My world is primarily within the walls of my apartment. I venture out as much as I can, but I spend the vast majority of my time here.

So, the things I need and want in my home now are the things I would need and want if I was stranded on an island. For this blog post, I'm going to change the prompt a bit. Here are 3 different lists: what I need / love the most, what I'd like to have, and what makes life worth living.

5 things that I need / love the most:

1. The unconditional love of our Father in heaven.
2. The strength and love of my amazing husband.
3. The love and support of my parents / family.
4. The encouragement and support of my (online) friends.
5. The hope that there will be days with less pain in the future.

5 things that I'd like to have:

1. A journal and pen.
2. Scrapbooking supplies.
3. Cell phone with internet access, so I can keep in touch with the outside world.
4. A soft pillow / blanket / bed.
5. Migraine meds.

5 things that make life worth living:

1. Faith
2. Hope
3. Love
4. Health
5. Laughter

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Stream of Consciousness Day

Today's challenge is to: start with the sentence “_______” - just write, don’t stop, don’t edit. Post!

"I'ts about what’s going on in your head in this exact moment. What are you thinking/feeling/seeing/hearing? How do you feel? What’s popping into your head as you take in your surroundings? What conversations or interactions keep running through your mind? Stream of consciousness is about not suppressing these thoughts but letting them flow onto the page, with or without punctuation, without stopping to think about whether you’d chosen the right word or phrased something the right way."

So, here we go... I'm wondering why I can't sleep. Why I'm so anxious. Why things are getting worse. I've been having increasing trouble getting to sleep at night, often taking several hours to fall asleep (even after taking night meds)... and, now, I'm having increasing anxiety about even laying down in bed to try to go to sleep. I've also been having bad nightmares, several of which have had me waking up shaking and upset. I don't know what's causing all of this. I've had problems with sleep before (sometimes almost identical to what I'm experiencing now)... for longer than I care to remember... but, I don't understand this round of stuff.

I'm also feeling anxious about my head pain. I've actually had a fairly good few days, actually this whole week, so far. I've been able to keep the head pain from worsening, even though there have been ups and downs each day. Keeping my head to a 5-6 (on a 10-point scale) has been great this week. Some days, I was able to keep the head pain there, as well as get some things done around the apartment... other days, I had to park myself on the couch and just watch TV / do nothing, in order to keep the pain from worsening. But, I'm proud of myself for the things that I've been able to accomplish this week.

The problem is that these streaks of better days never last. The pain always returns, and it scares me. I don't want to let the fear take over because I'm trying to enjoy the bit of relief that I get, whenever I get it. I still try to pace myself, but I'm also trying to stay in the moment and enjoy feeling even just a little bit better. But, my mind wanders... and the fear comes over me like a wave crashing onto rocks. I don't want to be afraid, but it's so hard not to, when pain has become my "normal."

Right now, I think I'm most afraid of ruining this weekend. Jeremy and I are going to Austin this weekend. We're going to visit / stay with family, and attend a friend's wedding. I want so badly to be able to have a "normal" weekend... at least for my dear husband. My migraines have interfered with so many special events - I've had to miss close friend's weddings, family get-togethers, etc. I hate having to miss these things, and I hate even more when it interferes with one of the few activities / events that Jeremy really wants to attend. I know that he'll be alright and won't blame me or make me feel guilty, if we miss it... but I want to be there for him. He's so good at comforting me when I have to miss important events... I just don't want him to have to be in that position.

Well, I don't know if any of this is made any sense, but there's my 15 minutes of unedited free-writing today. Stream of consciousness day - welcome to the scattered mind of a chronic Migraineur!

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).