Monday, August 15, 2011

Pain has an Element of Blank

I seem to be having a streak of painful days. I'm really not doing well, and my abortive meds don't seem to be helping much... neither does my stimulator (I've tried changing the program). I had a particularly rough night, and woke up this morning feeling absolutely horrible. I might give my doctor a call, since my meds aren't helping much, and the migraine pain has been going on since Saturday. It's just hard for me to think straight right now... and I really need(ed) today to be a productive day of unpacking some at the apartment. Anyway, below is something that I wrote about a week ago, at a time I didn't have a migraine... unfortunately, it's fitting today.

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.

- Emily Dickinson

This poem is so powerful, to me. Dickinson seems to be speaking to both the timelessness and the dominance of pain. Pain is so overwhelming that, in the grip of pain, one cannot remember a time without pain... pain is all there is. And, the future seems to hold only continuing and relentless pain, where the sufferer's life and identity has been consumed by pain.

I think it's fitting that the poem personifies the pain; the person feeling the pain (i.e., the sufferer) is never referred to. I think that Dickinson deliberately wrote from the perspective of pain. Intense pain dominates the individual in such a way that it displaces everything else in his/her life.

In the grip of pain, everything else in your mind disappears... you are aware only of the pain. You are left completely in the moment, knowing nothing but pain (not when the pain began, nor if it will ever end). Pain can leave you with feelings of isolation, despair, and loneliness. When you've been in pain for so long, you oftentimes cannot remember a time when you weren't in pain ('an element of blank'), and you cannot see yourself ever feeling anything but pain.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Well, we finally moved all of our stuff down from Tulsa to Texas. Yesterday was a LONG day! Luckily, we had plenty of help and support from family and friends (we appreciate it sooo much!). We were able to load everything up in the morning, make the drive (took about 6 hours), and unload everything into our new apartment. I was even able to get some things unpacked in the kitchen (thank you, Mom!). We're both so excited to have our stuff down here now, but we're still staying with family through Jeremy's work-week (Thursday through Sunday).

I know that it's still going to take PLENTY of time to get unpacked and settled in, BUT I'm so glad that things are moving right along. After moving everything to the apartment (we still have some stuff here... staying with family... but the majority is moved), we can unpack and settle it, whenever it's good timing for us. I have to pace myself so much (which I hate!); but it's much easier to take breaks and stuff, when I'm on my own time.

BONUS:  Jeremy and I met our downstairs neighbor yesterday evening. We know more about them (i.e., the woman's name, and that the man is a UT fan) than we knew about any of our neighbors in Tulsa!

Well, we're both EXHAUSTED! My body was NOT happy yesterday, and I'm still feeling it today (as expected, though). But, I didn't have to take any of my abortive meds either day, which is great! It's going to take a while to make things up to my body, but it's GREAT to be back in Texas!!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Other Blog

I've been posting on my other blog, since I'm finding myself with the need for music and prayer. You can check it out: Unfolding the Rosebud.

Hopefully my migraine pain will settle down... they're a bit out of control, right now. We're moving our stuff down to Texas next week! We're so excited!
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