This post was written 4/9/2014:
How am I supposed to keep from feeling defeated, when so much of what I try to do defeats me.
Picking weeds (because our yard looks ridiculous)... I know that it's hard work, so I've been pacing myself and doing a little bit every day or two. But, I can't seem to get a handle on it. What's worse is that I'm struggling to physically be able to do it, even for short periods of time. I don't like feeling like I can't do something, so I continue plugging away a little at a time... but, it's not working. It's just making me feel worse about myself. My spirit is willing, but my body isn't able. And, I don't know what to do with that.
This post was written 4/6/2014:
The words of the enemy have been eating away at me, no matter how hard I try to stop them. I struggle to find anything of meaning to do in my life. Hearing the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral (in February) made me think how little there would be to say at my own. I know that's dark, but that's where I am right now.
The enemy tells me that I don't and can't do anything meaningful. And, I feel like I can't argue with him. While I'd love nothing more than to prove him wrong, I don't know how to. I don't have the energy or the mindset to fight right now.
So, I'm trying to remind myself (and God has placed angels in my life to remind me) that I have the King of Kings, the Lord of lords, the God of angel armies, fighting for me... that my Lord will provide the strength I need.
But, the enemy just gets louder.