Titles of My Future Book(s)

I've decided to participate in National Health Blog Posting Month  (NHBPM). I've been out of the writing/blogging world for a little while, so I hope I'm able to keep up. WEGO Health is going to be providing a daily blog prompt. I'm looking forward to getting back into writing, and seeing what prompts there are.

Today's challenge is to come up with 5 working titles and a quick book jacket synopsis for a book about my life, community, condition, or Health Activism. This came at a great time! One of the reasons I've decided to participate in NHBPM is because I need to work on disciplining myself and getting back to writing. One of my goals is to be a writer and publish books. It can be so easy to fall into a rut, especially when dealing with constant, debilitating pain.

Here are a few of the working titles I have (by the way, any feedback anyone would like to share is welcome):

Relationships and chronic illness

Chronic illness can change all of the relationships in your life - with yourself, your family, friends, coworkers, and with God. Some of these changes will be losses that need to be grieved, but others may strengthen in ways you never expected.

Re-defining 'normal'

There are many different events in life that require us to re-define our 'normal.' From changing schools to moving out of your parents' house to getting married to starting a family, and so forth. Many of these changes are just the natural progression of life, while others are personal choices. But, sometimes something happens that is completely unexpected, and you must re-define what your 'normal' is. Chronic illness changes your life in so many ways, and your 'normal' has to be adjusted to account for new limitations and other life changes someone living with chronic illness faces.

Expectations: Yours, Mine, and God's

Whose expectations are you measuring your life by? What do your priorities reveal about whose expectations are important and guiding your life? Life never seems to go as we think it will. Taking a deeper look at our priorities and choices can help us examine who's expectations are really guiding our lives. 

Prayer: How the power of prayer can bring peace and happiness to your life

Life is often moving at the speed of light. There is so much going on, and it never seems to slow down. Bringing peace and happiness into your life can begin with prayer. Prayer calls for you to "be still" and focus on God. Incorporating prayer into your daily life offers you a refuge where you can rest in the Lord's presence, and both prepares and energizes you to fulfill God's calling for you.

One of the books I started working on before my car accident is... Finding your way through a landmine: A young woman's guide to navigating the business-world

The business-world can be like a foreign land to women. This book will serve as a guide to navigating aspects of the business-world, including relationships, obstacles, expectations, perception, and balance.

The Girl Behind the Mask

I don't let many people see behind the mask that I present to the world. I've always been guarded. Chronic illness makes it more exhausting to keep the mask up, but having an invisible illness makes it easier to appear "fine" to the outside world.

Many people hide behind a mask in order to not burden others with their troubles / struggles, and sometimes it's just to help ourselves get through the pain (by allowing us to "pretend" to be okay for some time). But, one of the problems with hiding behind a mask is that others don't know you're hurting, so they don't offer help... then, you may feel like no one understands you or cares, and the cycle continues.

The most difficult thing now is that I'm not quite sure who the girl behind the mask as anymore. I can't just wait for glimpses of the pre-accident me, but I haven't quite accepted all the ways my life has changed. So, while I continue to re-define myself, I'll give you a peek behind the mask... some of the truth behind the smile. I can see myself writing more on this topic in the future, but here's a peek.

Stages of Grief

Chronic pain involves working through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance), over and over. I grieve the loss of good health... my identity... the future I envisioned for myself... and all of those moments lost to pain. I don't always go through the stages in order; and even if I make it to the acceptance stage, I often find myself back in one of the other stages.

Time is Warped

Chronic pain has a way of warping time. Sometimes time just seems to drag by, and it feels like the pain will never cease. Other times, it seems like it flies by.

It's hard to be asked the question, "What have you been doing lately?" Sometimes I haven't been doing anything, except try to make it through days of migraine pain. But, sometimes (most of the time, these days), I honestly don't know the answer. People think that I'm just trying to avoid the question, but I really don't always remember... that's what happens when you have to focus on getting through a moment at a time... time slips away, often with nothing to show for it (no memories, accomplishments, etc...).

I used to plan my life out - days / weeks / months / years. I knew that things wouldn't work out "as planned," but I found comfort in having a plan... a direction. Now, everything seems contingent on how I feel. I rarely drive, limit my time out of the apartment, and miss countless moments that I can never get back (including family get-togethers and friends' weddings). I feel like my life has no (known) plan, direction, or purpose. I know that God will use these trials to fulfill His will, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything more than trying to get through each day.

Mixed Emotions

There are a lot of different emotions that come along with chronic illness. Just some of these are: denial, anger, fear, guilt, anxiety, apathy, devastation, depression, disappointment, grief... but there is also HOPE and GRATITUDE.

It may be difficult to find hope at times, but there's always a possibility that things will get better. This isn't to say that your chronic illness will be cured (it might be, but it very well might not). But, there are many treatments and other things that you can do to help improve your quality of life. Life may not look the way you thought it would, but that doesn't mean that you have to live an empty life completely controlled by pain.

One of the things that has helped me through, has been my family. My family can see the pain in my eyes, no matter how much of a front I have up. They're always there to love and support me, and I'm so grateful for them. I also have the most caring, loving, and understanding husband I could ever imagine. He sees me in the good times and bad... he knows my battle scars, but sees who I am beneath the mask and scars. I'm so blessed to have such a loving God and family!

The Girl Behind the Mask

Who is that girl behind the mask?

What lies behind the smile?

When I go out, instead of putting on make-up,

I find myself putting on a mask.

A mask to superficially cover the incessant pain,

Lost moments, and looming darkness.

A mask to protect others from the burdens

Of living a life with chronic pain.

© 2011 Jamie Valendy.

Drug Disposal

There's a National Take Back Initiative taking place October 29th (10am to 2pm) - see below for details. Local collection sites and law enforcement agencies will be available to safely dispose of accumulated unwanted, unused prescription drugs.

Find a collection site near you.

DEA has scheduled another National Prescription Drug Take Back Day on Saturday, October 29, 2011, from 10:00 am - 2:00 pm. to provide a venue for persons who want to dispose of unwanted and unused prescription drugs.

National Prescription Drug Take Back Day addresses a vital public safety and public health issue. More than seven million Americans currently abuse prescription drugs, according to the 2009 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Survey on Drug Use and Health. Each day, approximately, 2,500 teens use prescription drugs to get high for the first time according to the Partnership for a Drug Free America. Studies show that a majority of abused prescription drugs are obtained from family and friends, including the home medicine cabinet.

DEA in conjunction with state and local law enforcement agencies throughout the United States conducted National Prescription Drug Take Back Days on Saturday, September 25, 2010 and April 25, 2011. Nearly, 4,000 state and local law enforcement agencies throughout the nation participated in these events, collecting more than 309 tons of pills.

Four days after last fall’s Take-Back Day, Congress passed legislation amending the Controlled Substances Act to allow the DEA to develop a process for people to safely dispose of their prescription drugs. DEA immediately began developing this process after President Obama signed the Secure and Responsible Drug Disposal Act of 2010 on October 12. Until that process is complete, however, DEA will continue to hold Take Back Days every six months.

Social Security Increase in Benefits

Medicare costs to offset Social Security hike
(CBS News, Oct 19, 2011)

Social Security payments will be increased next year! There hasn't been an increase in benefits since 2009. 2010 and 2011 have been the first two years without a cost of living adjustment (COLA) since automatic increases were enacted in 1975.

Medicare is expected to announce the 2012 Part B premiums early next week. The expected premium will be $106.60 per month; which will lower the paid premiums for about a quarter of those enrolled in Medicare Part B, but increase the premiums for many others.

According to the article I read (here), the amount of wages that will be subject to Social Security payroll taxes will increase from the first $106,800 in wages to the first $110,000. (I think that all of one's income should be subject to taxes, but whatever). Currently, workers pay 6.2% Social Security tax on wages (which is matched by employers), but the tax rate was reduced to 4.2% for 2011.

3-Year Anniversary of Car Accident

Today marks the 3-year anniversary of the car accident that has changed my life forever.

Back before my car accident in October 2008, I worked full-time. A friend had given me this little perpetual calendar with a Scripture verse for each day, and I kept it on my work desk. Luckily, my previous boss is a dear friend of mine, and I was able to get my personal things back from work.

My accident was on October 10. The Scripture for that day is:

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see... By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead." ~ Hebrews 11:1,4 NIV

The chronic, debilitating pain that was caused by the accident has been a time of great trial for me, affecting every aspect of my life. My faith has been / is being tested.

I try to keep in mind something a close friend of mine told me (on the one year anniversary of my car accident): "Think of today as the anniversary of the day God entrusted a season of spiritual growth, understanding and total dependence upon Him that you would not have acquired any other way."

In the midst of pain that never ceases, it can be extremely difficult to remember that our God still loves and cares for us. But, the lessons that I'm learning during this time are important...

• Trust
• Faith
• Humility
• Dependance / Surrender
• Adaptability / Flexibility
• True Love / Intimacy
• Communication (at least with my husband)

I'm not yet at a point where I can be thankful for these trials and suffering; but I'm doing my best to accept the way things are now, to learn the lessons that come my way, and to build / deepen my relationship with my Lord (and with my husband).

National Pain Awareness Month

This year's National Pain Awareness Month is coming to an end, and yet I'm continually reminded that my pain is not.

It pains me to know that there are so many people in chronic pain; and that they, too, often feel misunderstood. It can be difficult for others to comprehend / believe that anyone could really hurt so much all the time, which is the reality for those that live with a chronic illness. Regardless of the intensity of the pain, when it's unrelenting, it reduces a person's ability to function (concentrate, perform day-to-day tasks, work, socialize, exercise, sleep); and it can lead to depression, isolation, and loss of self-esteem.

While it can be very difficult for others to imagine what it must be like to live with constant pain, it's important for friends and family members of someone in chronic pain to be understanding, and to show support and encouragement. Listen without judgment, and let them know you care. Just because someone with a chronic illness is doing something that seems "normal" doesn't mean that they are suddenly better / cured... it's not all or nothing. It's extremely painful to have loved ones question the validity of your pain or accuse you of being lazy or just wanting drugs / pain meds... sometimes more painful than the physical pain itself.

The caregivers of those in chronic pain also face misunderstanding, isolation, and frustration. I'm so grateful that my husband has taken such a difficult situation and helped make it something to bring us closer together. He takes care of me, cheers me on, etc... all without making me feel guilty for my illness changing the trajectory of his life. He is such a blessing!

My hope is that EVERYONE will try to be more compassionate and understanding with each other. One of the groups of people that desperately needs this is the chronic pain community.