Favorite Hope Quote

I know that I have been absent from the blogging world for quite some time, but I'm still here. In the spirit of awareness, I'm going to be participating in the MHAM Blogging Challenge.

Favorite Hope Quote: What's your favorite quote about hope, and how does it apply to your Headaches or Migraines?

I LOVE quotes! Whether by a well-known author or someone I have a passing conversation with, I find words that resonate with my soul to be a huge blessing.

As I read the prompt, I immediately thought of a poem I've loved for as

long as I can remember: "Hope" is the Thing with Feathers by Emily Dickinson.

"Hope" is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all - 

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm - 

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

I think this poem beautifully depicts the hope that is ever-present in the heart. And, it is this ever-present hope that defeats despair, despite overwhelming circumstances.

The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association.

Migraine and Headache Awareness Month

Yesterday was the first day of Migraine and Headache Awareness Month (MHAM).

The theme for 2015 is INSPIRING HOPE.

I love the theme for this year. I'm looking forward to both reading and writing about how hope plays a role in each of our lives.

The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month (MHAM) Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association.

Got Drugs? National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day (9/27/14)

The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has scheduled another National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day on Saturday, April 27, 2012, from 10:00 am - 2:00 pm. This is a great opportunity for those who missed the previous events, or who have subsequently accumulated unwanted, unused prescription drugs, to safely dispose of those medications.

Find a collection site near you.

The National Prescription Drug Take-Back Day aims to provide a safe, convenient, and responsible means of disposal, while also educating the general public about the potential for abuse of these medications.

Local collection sites and law enforcement agencies will be available to safely dispose of accumulated unwanted, unused prescription drugs. To find a collection site near you, click here.

Status Migrainosus: A Difficult Week

I'll warn you (and apologize) up-front, this post may be kind choppy...

This has been one of the worst pain weeks I've had in a long time. I've taken migraine and pain meds (maxed out) and rested a lot. My doctor prescribed a round of corticosteroids, which hasn't seemed to offer much relief.

Status migrainosus is basically a severe intensity migraine that is unremitting for more than 72 hours. Now, I have some degree of head pain every, single day. I have chronic migraine, which means that I have migraines 15+ days per month. And, yet, I get these status migraines that I seem to have no way to prepare for. I know, intellectually, that at some point the pain will break. But, it doesn't seem like it, in the midst of the pain, especially when nothing (meds, coping skills, etc) is offering any relief.

Sleep Disturbance
My sleep pattern is completely insane. Since this horrible stretch of migraine pain began, my hours slept per day (can't say per night because some nights were no sleep, but a nap during the day) have been:

• 8.25 hours
• 3.50 hours
• 9.00 hours
• 3.25 hours
• 17.00 hours
• 0.00 hours
• 15.75 hours

Talk about out of whack! Hypersomnia intermixed with insomnia... quite a toxic combination.

Memory / Processing Problems

Early this week (day 2 of severe pain), my memory was so bad... it was scary! My mind wasn't working at all - I would forget what I was saying, mid-sentence. My difficulties with memory and processing hasn't been that bad in a long time, and it reminded me of some of the struggles I had following my car accident. Strangely, though, I was inspired (and somehow able) to write a blog post, start to finish - When Your Pain is Invisible: You Look So Good. Honestly, I sometimes have more inspiration to write, when I'm at my low (not lowest) points... in the darkness... it's weird.

Irritability

I know that I've been extremely irritable, and not doing a very good job of filtering it. I've found myself snapping easily. It seems uncontrollable, out of my hands. I'm easily frustrated and/or annoyed by the dog, my husband, anything, everything, nothing...

Visual Disturbances

The visual issues I've faced with this migraine attack have been expansive. Aura, blurry vision, trouble focusing, see flashing lights (in all different lighting, from a dark room to bright outside).

And More...

If all of that wasn't enough, there have been so many other symptoms (many more than I'd like to write here)... aphasia, allodynia, hypersensitivity, vertigo, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and the list goes on...

Oh Yeah, Head Pain

If you noticed, I didn't even really mention the incessant head pain, and the neck and back stiffness and pain. The horrendous and unceasing nature of the pain has been paramount in my week... I can't seem to find relief.

Grateful

I will say, though, that I'm grateful to have been able to spend a little time out at a friend's (wedding) couples shower Saturday evening, and with my Mom to visit my grandmother in the hospital Sunday evening. I can't say that it didn't take a lot out of me, or even that it really even distracted me from the pain, but I'm glad that I could be there for those that I care about.

World Suicide Prevention Day

This week (September 8-14, 2014) is the National Suicide Prevention Week.

Today (September 10th) is World Suicide Prevention Day.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) states:

"Suicide claimed 39,518 lives in 2011 in the United States alone, with someone dying by suicide every 13.3 minutes. A suicide attempt is made every minute of every day, resulting in nearly one million attempts made annually."

The AFSP sponsors Out of the Darkness Walks, where "you join efforts with thousands of people nationwide to raise money for AFSP’s vital research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives. The walks raise awareness about depression and suicide, and provide comfort and assistance to those who have lost someone to suicide."

Some dear friends of mine will be participating in their community's Out of the Darkness Walk on September 20th. I will be offering my prayers, support, and encouragement.

More information about suicide prevention can be found:
- You Matter, Let Us Help You Through
- American Association of Suicidology
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
- World Health Organization

If you, or someone you know, is in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

When Your Pain is Invisible: You Look So Good

A devotional, When Your Pain is Invisible, really resonated with me today. This morning, when I read this devotional and listened to the song below it, I felt moved to write.

"You look so good." 

Why did that comment bother me? 

I knew each person who said it meant to say they were glad I didn't look sickly. 

Still, it bothered me every time I heard it. Why? 

Was I afraid they thought I was exaggerating my discomfort or faking it? Was it pride? Did I desire attention? Did I want pity? Certainly not. 

So, what was it? 

     ~ Excerpt from When Your Pain is Invisible 

This piece of the devotional really jumped out at me, as I've struggled with the same grievance.

When someone says, "You look so good," I've found myself feeling enraged, distraught, and deceptive. Then, upon reflection of such encounters, I find myself feeling guilt and shame for having those emotions. My mind starts questioning what made them emerge: "Was I afraid they thought I was exaggerating my discomfort or faking it? Was it pride? Did I desire attention? Did I want pity?"

How could a comment as innocuous as "You look so good" evoke such strong emotions and striking questions?

This intrigues me because I don't want to act out of fear, pride, and/or desire for attention. Just as the song found at the end of the devotional, "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman (a link to my other blog, where you can access the song), I want "to do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you."

As for the swarming questions, I've come up with various answers / theories / explanations, but the answer found in the devotional is so simple and spot on:

"I wanted them to understand."

I think that everyone has a desire to feel understood, and to have their experience validated.

Suddenly, I realized that that's exactly where the conflict lies.

When we're hurting (especially when we're hurting in ways that others cannot see), I think we guard ourselves... perhaps because our pain has been misunderstood, ignored, and/or discounted in the past... or we fear that it will be. If we don't feel like our pain / experience is validated, believed, or understood by the other person, a comment as innocuous as "You look so good" can push us over the edge.

Ironically, when we live with one or more invisible illnesses, especially if chronic, we may have spent a lot of time and energy to "look so good." So, it seems odd that we would then feel somehow slighted, when someone comments on how we look.

I think it partially depends on who is commenting... For example, I find myself feeling more receptive to a comment about how I look from those that I know really understand how much pain I live with. Perhaps because I don't feel like their comments are discounting the pain I'm in - they know I'm in pain, but are simply giving me a compliment.

In light of all of this, I'm trying to remember what's most important: "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry" (Psalm 34:15). He understands my suffering. He hears my cries. Regardless of whether others do. And, for that, I'm so grateful.