Migraine Disease & Friendship

The theme for the November 2011 Headache & Migraine Disease Blog Carnival is: "Migraine Disease & Friendship: How has living with migraine disease or a headache disorder impacted your friendships? Has it shown you who your true friends are? Have you made friends or become closer to people because of your life with this disease?"

I've discussed this topic previously:  Reason, Season, Lifetime, Changed Relationships, Changed Relationship, continued, Change: Life Since the Accident (Jan 6), Romantic Relationships & Migraine, and Romantic Relationships & Migraine - Our Story. Obviously, this topic resonates a lot with me. I've had a difficult time trying to manage the loss of my old life, as well as the change / loss of many relationships.

I've actually been very surprised at what has happened to my relationships (for this post, relationships with friends), since my chronic migraines began. Now, to be fair, I also got married a year after my car accident; so my relationships probably would've changed some, solely due to me getting married.

My friends have become distant. I rarely talk to them (I use "talk" loosely, meaning anything from visiting to talking on the phone to emailing). Honestly, it makes me feel abandoned, as I never expected them to disappear in my darkest hour. For some, it is a matter of geographic distance and the business of life.

For others, I think we just have very little in common. The top 3 important things in my life are: 1) faith, 2) family, and 3) health. So, for a healthy individual that's never been interested in religion and isn't as close to his/her family... it's difficult to find any common ground. I simply can't do things that I used to... go to the movies (perhaps, but very rarely), go bowling (smoke, lights, noise, weight of the ball, crowds... *shudder*), go shopping (I have trouble in the stores, and I get worn out very quickly), etc...

I've never been a social butterfly. It's always taken me a long time to really open up and become friends with people. The few friends I've had, I've known for many years. I have such a limited supply of energy, and social events drain me even more now than they did before my chronic migraines began. So, I focus on my own health, and spending time with my family... leaving nothing more to invest in new friendships.

Thus, my friends have mostly evolved to those that I've come into contact with on the Internet. Many of us have a chronic illness of some sort. Regardless of what it is, we have a level of understanding and compassion that I haven't experienced with my "real world" friends. We understand what having a "good day" means, that sometimes you just need to vent about your condition, and that there are so many aspects of living with a chronic illness that are extremely difficult, on many different levels. They laugh with me, cry with me, pray for me, and cheer me on. We're a community of encouragers, holding on to hope for making each day better.

A Lost Friend

I'm not the same person I used to be,
But I'm trying to learn how to be the new me.
You've disappeared for reasons I can't comprehend,
You used to be such a good friend.

I feel like you left me,
In my most vulnerable time.
Even a simple card would be
Heart-warming and kind.

I miss your company, your hugs, and your smile.
Perhaps you're still there and I just cannot see.
If you're there and it's just been a while,
Please let me know you care and you're thinking of me.

© 2011 Jamie Valendy.


This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).

Gloomy Weather

Today's prompt just isn't really inspiring me, so I'm going to veer off and write about something else.

A few days ago, we had a beautifully cloudy/overcast day. I know that most people dislike the gloominesss of the autumn and winter months, but I love the darkness (though I could definitely do without the cold temperatures and roller coaster weather changes). The other day (when it was overcast), I still wore my sunglasses. I was able to make it to the doctor and spend some time walking around outside with my husband. It was so great! It wore me out, and my head worsened in the evening, but it was such a wonderful day with my husband.


This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).

My Personal Brand

Today's challenge is to write about my personal brand - describing what qualities and components I present to my audience. "As a Health Activist, you are a front-facing leader. What do you imagine you look like to your readers? What qualities do you possess? It's ok to toot your own horn today - you have full permission to indulge."

I'm definitely NOT good at tooting my own horn, but it's good to think about how I might be coming across to those that read my blog. Above all, I strive to be genuine. Writing allows me to be my authentic self, removing the mask that I so often try to wear in the presence of others. While I have chronic pain, I am not my illness. I am much more than that!

My blog is meant to help inform others about Migraine, by sharing information I learn about Migraine and my personal battle/journey as a chronic Migraineur. I hope that by sharing my own personal journey that my words will, in some way, touch someone else. I love receiving a comment or email about a post that resonates with someone - by validating their experience, putting into words what they are going through and/or feeling, gives them hope, etc...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (Plato)

I'm a determined and compassionate individual that strives to write from the heart. Though Chronic Migraine is my cross to bear (at least for now), I have faith that my Lord will be with me through all of the trials ahead, just as He's been with me through the trials from my past. It is my hope that He will continue to use me to reach others, despite my chronic illness.

Free Wallpaper Christian

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).

3 Truths & 1 Lie

Today's challenge is to write 3 things that are true about me, my condition, my Health Activism, or my life... and then 1 lie.

• I've tried over 50 medications to try to control my chronic migraines.
• I've dealt with headaches for much of my life.
• I've returned to my pre-accident weight.
• Headaches and Migraines run in my family.

 ... And the lie is ...

The third one. I'm still down 10-12 pounds from my pre-accident weight. At least I've gained about 6 pounds from my lowest point.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).

Case of the Mondays

Today's challenge is to write about something that gets you down, burns you out, or makes you sad - purge it in a blog post, turn it around at the end, and tell Tuesday why you're ready for it.

Honestly, Mondays don't really feel like Mondays to me anymore. I used to dread them... the start of a new work-week. I'm not really on a normal week cycle... Jeremy's work-week is Wednesday through Sunday, so that's what mine has become (except I don't "dread" his "Monday"). Mondays are like our Saturday, so it's actually kinda nice.

But, there are definitely some things that make me less-than-excited to get out of bed, including stigma around Migraine. I hate that others often think that Migraines are "all in your head" and/or are just "bad headaches." Over 10% of America's population (approximately 36 million people) have Migraine, and it ranks in the top 20 of the world's most disabling medical illnesses. About 4% of the U.S. population (approximately 14 million people) have Chronic Daily Headache, and about 2% of the population (approximately 7 million people) have Chronic Migraine. And yet...

Migraine is poorly understood and often misdiagnosed / mistreated. Research is poorly funded. Actually, that's an extreme understatement. The National Institute of Health (NIH) only allocates 1/10 of 1% (i.e., 0.01%) of their budget to Migraine and all other headache disorders combined. One-tenth of a percent... that blows my mind! No wonder there are so many people suffering from Migraine. Of all the medications used as Migraine preventive treatments, not a single one was developed primarily for Migraine treatment.

My hope is that by sharing our stories and joining together, that Migraineurs can one day be heard, understood, and treated. We're in desperate need of funding, but we also need to take opportunities that we each encounter to inform others about Migraine. That's one reason I keep this blog. It allows me to share information about Migraine, as well as my experience with Chronic Migraine, with others.

Reference:  Migraine Research Foundation


This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).

Keep On Keepin' On

Patients For A Moment (PFAM) is a patient-centered blog carnival to build connections within the community of people who blog about illness, disease, and disability. Aviva, at Sick Momma, is hosting the next edition of the PFAM blog carnival:  "What do you do to get yourself out of the doldrums when you fall into a funk? What (or who) inspires you and gives you hope? Where have you found inspiration when you weren't even looking for it? How do you keep on keeping on when you pain is high and your fatigue is even higher?"

When I find myself in a funk, my first instinct is to push others away and isolate myself (more than I already am). It's definitely NOT the right thing to do, but it's my "first line of defense." Luckily, I don't live alone, and my husband does everything he can to help me gain a better perspective on things.

Although I've done this less than I should have, writing out my thoughts, feelings, fears, and anxieties can be very cathartic (as can writing out my joys and gratitude). There's something about writing things out that helps purge the negativity from within.

I also have a very supportive family and online group that encourage me to always return to my faith. When things get really difficult, it can be easy to fall down, and it's such a blessing to have people surrounding you that will help pick you back up and remind you that you have a God that loves you unconditionally.

Honestly, when my pain is high and my fatigue is even higher, I have a difficult time holding onto hope on my own. I depend on others for prayer and support... much more than I'd like to (I've never been good at needing to depend on others). Thankfully, I have a handful of people in my life that are willing to pray and hold on to hope for me, when I cannot do it myself. I'm forever grateful for these individuals!

By the way, this song is a good reminder, too...

"Keep On Keepin' On" by Jack Ingram

http://youtu.be/8lQhTFMW7lQ

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM).