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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Mirrors (Feb 9)

I've never really ever had many mirrors in my house or apartment... I've never really seen the need to. I've never enjoyed gazing endlessly into a mirror at myself, though I mostly didn't mind looking at myself for a moment or two. There were times, when I was depressed - I would look into the mirror for a long time and cry endlessly for no real reason - but depression is its own beast.

Since my car accident and the onset of my chronic migraines, I've lived my life very much in the dark. Dark curtains shield me and all my belongings from the outer world and light. One day, I noticed that none of our decor included mirrors - of all the things hanging on our walls, none were mirrors, and most were canvas (so no glare from glass front). I decided that my migraines were the reason for not having mirrors - reduce reflections of light, etc.

But, tonight, for the first time in a long time... I looked at myself in the mirror. I mean, really looked at myself. I almost didn't even know the woman in the mirror. Who am I? Who have I become?

Everyone says that 'I am not the pain,' but... Who am I?!

6 comments:

  1. Oh Jamie, I'm sending a big hug your way. These are big questions with no easy answers. What I see from your blogs is a strong, kind, faithful woman. Blessings!

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  2. I am so there with you. When you "face" yourself in the mirror, it's a telling experience. So many times, I can see the pain and scars of pain in the look in my eyes, even when I thought I was hiding it. It seems to reinforce that I am a person in pain. Maybe we can pray that God will reveal other things in our mirror images - like the endurance, strength and character of one who is surviving a battle and living for Him. God bless you and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Love Laurie

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  3. I once saw a reflection of myself in a store window and did not recognize me. I guess if you are always 23 years old in your mind, a reflection of a 50 year old in the window doesn't jive. Hoping that you can bring more light into your life and reconcile yourself with your reflection, but hope that in your mind's eye you are healthy and vibrant. I enjoy staying 23!

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  4. Thanks, ladies.

    Migrainista, thank you so much for your kind words.

    Laurie, so true. We should pray that God reveal the Godly woman that He sees, when we look into the mirror. It's just so difficult sometimes.

    Winny, the problem is that I'm only 25... I shouldn't have this huge disconnect.

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  5. (((Jamie))))

    This week, this post is really resonating with me. I look at the grey face with dark circles under my eyes and wonder what happened to the healthy woman I was five short (long) years ago. And yes, I often wonder what God sees that I am probably missing...

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