Chronic Migraine Warrior

Chronic Migraine Warrior

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Anxiously Hopeful, continued

My neurologist told me last week that he was out of ideas, at least as far as medicinal abortive treatment / therapy for my migraines. I felt / knew that he was running out of ideas; but when I heard the words come out of his mouth, my heart sank. I was so glad that I had had a positive experience with the trial neurostimulator the previous week...

In 2 weeks from today, I will (hopefully) be on the road to recovery... and a very different life. I am getting my neurostimulator permanently implanted in 2 weeks, and it's a bit scary. This post is a follow-up to my previous post, Anxiously Hopeful. So, let me try to work this out...

First of all, I am so unbelievably ready to be rid of this unbearable pain that I cannot even express it! I hate feeling like a useless lump on a log so much of the time. I hate feeling like a burden to those around me. I hate that I cause my loved ones to worry so much. I hate feeling so out of control of my life and of my own mind, body, and emotions. I hate the pain!

But, I have spent the last 2 years trying my hardest to come to terms with this change in myself and my life. I have changed how my life is structured. Jeremy and I have built a life together around me having this debilitating illness. Is all the redefining, restructuring, etc... for naught?

I know how incredibly ridiculous this must sound! The neurostimulator will give me at least some of my life back - I will be able to function at a higher capacity and live my life as a more active participant. I am sooo grateful for the opportunity to get this neurostimulator... this chance for a life!

I am just trying to wrap my mind around all of this. What might my new life might look like? What will I do with the freedom and opportunities that having the neurostimulator will provide me? I don't have any idea where God is calling me to serve or what He is calling me to do. I don't know how I am to use this season of suffering (which I know is not yet over) to glorify him. I just don't know...

I have learned so much through all of this, and I know that the journey is long from over... and that there are many journeys to come. But, I think it's always a bit scary when what is or has become our normal changes.

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