Quick Update: Sorry I've been Absent

I have to apologize for being absent for so long, but I'm afraid it's going to continue for a while (if the spirit moves me, though, I'll post again soon). Life has just been a whirlwind, and I feel overwhelmed! There are SOOO many things changing in the lives of those I love, and it all suddenly came crashing down... the most recent change I found out about must have been the "straw that broke the camel's back." These changes aren't all bad, but change of any type is stressful.

I've been struggling a lot with my migraines. I actually have one now (and I've taken my meds), so I don't know why I'm even on the computer to type this. I'm about to go lay down because the meds are kicking in and I'm feelin' it (oh, the joy of side effects!). Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and give a quick update. I hope to be back sooner than later... just can't do it right now.

In the meantime, I'm really trying to keep this in mind...

Recap HAWMC

I did it - 30 posts in 30 days!!! I had to double-up several times, but I did it!

I still have some blog posts in the series I started last week that are near 'publishing,' so hopefully I'll get those on the blog soon.

Thanks for sticking with me through this month's challenge. I had an extra-rough month, health-wise... so glad I was able to complete it. Now, back to lay down and nurse this out of control migraine today.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Pain & Gratitude

I wrote this last fall in my hand-written journal, but I've been adding to my list (off and on). I thought of the journal entry the other day, so I thought I'd go ahead and share it on my blog.

*** Let me preface this by saying that this list is looking at things to be grateful for... that's definitely not to say that I don't want to work, or even long to be able to work... it's just something that isn't a burden to me during this time of living with so much pain and disability, and that's something I'm thankful for. ***

I've been struggling a lot with migraine pain, which is an ongoing reminder of all the things that my illness has changed and/or taken away from my life. But, I read an article today about cultivating gratitude by thinking of things I like about being sick. I hope to be able to expand and embrace the list of things to be grateful for about my illness. But, the first step is to start writing, so here goes...

Things I like about being sick (pain and gratitude):

• I don't answer to an alarm clock.
• I don't get stuck in traffic daily.
• I have the perfect excuse to avoid events I don't want to attend. (I really don't like thinking of it as an excuse, but I do have to be much more mindful of what events I do and don't attend because my health will punish me later)
• My "to-do" list is very short. (I don't know where I was coming from with this one... I have a long, ongoing to-do list)
• I'm ill / sick in the Internet Age - less isolation because easily connected online to others.
• I don't have to go to work.
• I don't have a job I hate.
• I don't have to deal with ignorant coworkers and employees (or dealing with office politics).
• I get to spend a lot of time with Jeremy.
• I've learned a lot about my health issues and medications.
• I have time to read and write (still having trouble mentally, but blessed with the time to).
• I don't have to buy new dressy clothes for work (or wear uncomfortable dress clothes/shoes).
• I get to wear comfortable clothes (house clothes) a lot.
• I don't have to shower very often. (can't believe I just said that!)
• I've had a chance to connect with some amazing people online.
• I notice and celebrate "the little things."
• My diet has improved (much healthier).
• I have time to cook (and try new recipes) with Jeremy. (often too nauseous to, but been able to do this more)
• My life is less scheduled.
• I have time to watch more movies and TV shows.
• I'm more attuned to what's going on with my body.
• I'm learning to live in the present moment better.
• I can make Jeremy's work-lunch on (at least most of) his work days.
• I have more time to pray and spend time deepening my relationship with God (I do need to work on this more, though).
• My home is my world (or a very big part of my world).
• I can go to bed and get up late.
• I've become a cyborg.
• I know so much about meds that I could almost be a pharmacist (and I recognize many meds on TV shows) - lol.
• I save money on gas because I don't really drive anymore.

Trying to focus less on the things that I've lost or the limitations imposed on me by my illness... really trying to be grateful for the "little things" and enjoy the present moment.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Word Cloud

Today's challenge is to make a Word Cloud with a list of words that come to mind when I think about my blog, health, or interests. I really enjoyed this one!


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

My Ongoing Battle of Sleep

My life seems like an ongoing battle. While I'm awake, I battle to balance life; face the struggles, limitations, and fears of life with chronic illness; and strive to live in the present moment. While I'm asleep... well, I don't feel like that's been happening much, especially lately.

I've had sleeping difficulties for as long as I can remember. However, chronic pain adds a whole new dimension to the struggle. I seem to go through varying phases of sleeping difficulty... usually from bad to horrible. The sleep problems I have can be any combination of these:

• Mind going / racing
• Trouble getting to sleep
• Waking up through the night
• Disrupted sleep
• Stressful dreams and/or nightmares

Resulting in... NO REST!

It's been especially bad lately, and I'm not sure why. I've tried Melatonin before, and it actually made me wake up more often throughout the night.

I've tried Ambien, as well as Ambien CR. The CR usually helps me to sleep, but I've recently had additional, scary symptoms with it. Even when I took it (occasionally) in college, I might do say or do things between taking the medicine and getting to sleep, and have no recollection of it (nothing like sleep-driving... but I learned to take precautions like keeping any technology away from me, so I wouldn't unknowingly call/email and say things I didn't mean). Now, though, I get really paranoid and jumpy. I normally don't really remember what happened, or things are at least very foggy. But, it kinda scares Jeremy... and me, in the moment. I wake up anytime I think I hear something, and I even freaked out the other night at wind outside and my hair brushing up against my arm.

My doctor has tried using meds to help with my chronic migraines, as well as my sleep (trying to kill two birds with one stone); but nothing has helped. He's most recently had me trying Benedryl, which was in the hopes of helping the sleep situation and my bad seasonal allergies. But, I've stopped taking it because I was increasingly having trouble getting to sleep.

I've tried the "sleep hygiene" rules found in articles, and they're completely unhelpful. If I just lay in my dark bedroom, doing absolutely nothing (no distractions like technology or anything), I still don't drift blissfully into sleep, like the articles suggest. No! I lay there feeling tortured by my mind and body. I'm actually so thankful for my Kindle and my iPhone. I never wanted to have any kind of technology in the bedroom, but it's actually been such a life saver for me. It gives me something to do, while I wait to fall asleep (or pass out) out of exhaustion and/or boredom. Not ideal, but necessary right now.

I'm to the point of desperation now. :( I haven't been able to get to sleep until at least 3:30 or 4am (regardless of when I start trying to go to sleep), most nights. I keep having horrible dreams and nightmares that have me waking up in a panic. And, I often wake up frequently through the night. It's worsening my daily headaches and migraines, and the anxiety around bedtime and sleep is getting out of control (vicious cycle). I'm in bed so late in the morning because I'm desperately trying to get some rest... it's not that I'm lazy! I'm sooo stinkin' exhausted, yet sleep continues to elude me.

I've been trying to hold on to my faith and trust in the mercy, love, peace, and hope that our Savior offers us... so that I can live the best life possible, in the circumstances I find myself in... regardless of how miserable things are at the moment.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:28-31)

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Six Sentence Story

Today's challenge is to focus on brevity by telling a story in only six sentences. While I'm not a fan of (or very good at) "micro-blogging," this was an interesting writing practice.

A Pretty Good Day

I woke up to the ever-present pain. The little bit of light that peeks through around the black-out curtains in my room strike my eyes, as though I'm staring directly into the sun. But, I try to make the most of the day, and be grateful for the many blessings that I do have. So, I spend some time writing on my blog, texting with a few of my chronic pain friends, and enjoying the quiet of being home alone. When my husband gets home, we spend time chatting with each other and cook dinner together. I'm up late because of my insomnia and pain, but I thank God for all that He's given me... especially for the day I just had with less-debilitating pain.


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).