Evolution: How Being a Patient Has Changed Me

Today's topic is "Evolution. Write about how being a patient or caregiver has changed you. How have your goals changed? Have your values changed?"

There are so many things that come to mind for this topic. I have changed a lot, since I started living with chronic debilitating pain 5-years ago. I've written quite a lot on the topic of change... here's one that jumps out in my mind:  Change: Life Since the Accident (Jan 6).

Slowing down
I've learned (and am still learning) to slow down. It hasn't been easy, as I was always on the go, before my accident. I planned nearly every hour of my day... man, was I a planner! But, that doesn't work for me now. I have to be mindful of my body's limitations in a way that I never did before. Otherwise, my body may just shut down and/or I later pay a very high price. So, I find my life is a much slower pace than most others, but that's what I need.

Living in the present
I'm learning more and more to simply live in the present moment. It's harder for me to do at some times than others, but I'm much better at doing it than I used to... I still have a way to go, though. When I'm having good moments, I do my best to cherish and enjoy them, regardless of how long they last. When I'm having very painful moments, I do my best to tend to my body and turn my focus on God - thanking Him for what I have, asking for His peace through the storm, praying for others who are experiencing any pain, etc.

Depending on others
I grew up to be an independent woman, and I've always taken pride in that. So, being thrust into a position of truly needing to depend on others was a huge (undesired) lesson in humility, among other things. I still have difficulty with asking for help, but I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with asking for and accepting assistance from others. I think it's an important lesson for everyone - not to depend on others for everything, but to be able to ask for and accept help when needed.
* There's a blog post that I started almost 2.5 years ago regarding independence / dependence... I think I'll work on finishing and posting that in the next few days. 

Gratitude
I find myself filled with gratitude in a different way than I was before. My list of things I'm grateful for includes even the simplest of things that I used to just take for granted. And, as humbling as that can sometimes be, it keeps me focused on the things, big and small, that God has blessed me with.

I have changed
I've become more focused on my priorities, stronger in my faith, more outspoken in health matters (especially concerning justice for those with disabilities), more understanding of others, and more forgiving of myself and others.

Goals have changed
My goals have changed. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I don't have my 5- or 10- (and so on) year plan on the tip of my tongue. My goals aren't SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound), like I was trained to believe is necessary. Perhaps it is necessary, but I don't feel a specific drive or calling of something to do in my life right now. And, while that sometimes makes me extremely anxious and like something must be wrong with me, I'm doing my best to trust that God has a plan for me.

Overall, even though I don't have SMART goals, I do feel more focused on a clear life purpose: to faithfully follow God, allowing Him to work in and through me wherever I am and however He desires. Now, that's not to say that I don't struggle along the way. I don't have any clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, but I'm doing my best to root myself in the One who does know.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

Top Three Tuesday: Michael Pollack

Today's topic is: "Top Three Tuesdays. Name three songs that you can listen to that get you out of a low point or lift your spirits."

I've really been enjoying the few songs I've heard by Michael Pollack - Chances Are, Get Well, and More Than Ever. I have his songs downloaded from iTunes, and I'm having a hard time finding any good videos on YouTube. But, I'm going to link what I could find.

*The best way to hear these three songs are to go to his website, where he has them available to play for free or purchase downloads from iTunes.* Enjoy!

Chances Are
Michael Pollack received a lot of attention after a video of an impromptu performance with Billy Joel. You can take a look / listen to that and Pollack's song, Chances Are, HERE. You can also search YouTube for "Michael Pollack Chances Are," though it's not allowing me to post it here in the blog. Some of the lyrics to this song are:

"You may be alive, but are you living? I promise you the two are not the same. Never hesitate to take what's given, 'cause chance are this chance won't come again."

Get Well

"What you got left? Where can you go? Can you open up the dreams you had long ago? When did you break? When did you fall? Did you forget how to walk? Did you forget how to crawl? Did you run out of breath? Are you tired as hell? I can't help you come back I can't help you get well... You're gonna find your peace."

Get Well - http://youtu.be/iR8l2b-sOXg

More Than Ever

"I need you now, more than ever."

Both Michael Pollack's voice and piano skills are simply amazing! I hope you enjoy as much as I do! Here's his website link, again: http://www.michaelpollackmusic.com/music.php.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

Compassion in Greece, continued

I previously wrote about an experience I had in Greece (back in 2005): Compassion in Greece.

While on a class trip to Athens, Greece, I ended up with a monster migraine. One of the professors there responded with such kindness and compassion. He helped me, and then supported my decision to not miss the day at the Acropolis (despite my having sunglasses on, a jacket over my head, and needing assistance walking). He didn't question or belittle me. He simply offered me understanding, compassion, and kindness. And, that's what I hope I can offer to others.

It's so interesting to me, looking back from where I am today. I've dealt with frequent headaches for as long as I can remember. I had infrequent migraines, then, too (though, most of those were walks in the park compared to the migraines I've had since the accident). So much has changed, yet the love and provision of my God has stayed the same. He is always there.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

Compassion in Greece

Yesterday, I posted about past anniversaries of my car accident:

• 3-Year Anniversary of Car Accident
• 4-Year Anniversary of Car Accident

October 10, 2013 marked the fifth anniversary of my car accident, here's what I wrote...

I had some anxiety leading up to today because I've had some difficulty on this day in the past. But, God blessed me with bringing a memory to my mind, reminding me that He always provides for my needs. Thanks to a Facebook post from my Alma Mater asking what our fondest memory of a certain professor is, I was able to re-live a moment that was painful, but comforting... and writing this blog post has allowed me to re-live beyond that moment.

Just a little back-story... I spent a semester studying abroad at my Alma Mater's campus near Rome. During the semester, the entire class and the Rome semester professors spend 10 days travelling together to a few different cities in Greece. Our Western Civilization professor offered amazing lectures at many of the sites along the way. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I'm so grateful that I was able to participate!

The setting is Athens, Greece.

It was Carnival in the Eastern Orthodox Church (different date than the Western Christian calendar - think Mardi Gras), so the city was a big celebration. I decided to join the celebration in the evening with a group of friends - we were going to spend some time enjoying the festivities and try to find somewhere open to get something to eat.

After wandering around the city for a while, a migraine hit... HARD.

All I could think of was how am I going to get out of this crowd of people and back to the hotel?! I mentioned that I needed to leave immediately to my friends, and thankfully one of the guys said that he'd walk me back to the hotel and make sure I was okay. I told him I needed to get something to eat and something with caffeine to drink - we were able to find a Coke quickly, and then we stopped at the McDonald's just around the corner from the hotel for some chicken nuggets.

Unfortunately, I think I'd forgotten my migraine medication back at the Rome campus. See, these were before the days of chronic migraines... before the days of carrying my meds everywhere I go. I had frequent headaches, but was able to function through most of them. But, my more severe migraines weren't all that often. So, getting something to eat, caffeine to drink, and getting back to a dark / quiet hotel room was my plan of attack.

The girls I happened to be roomed with for those few days were understanding and helped however they could. But, the migraine continued.

If my memory serves me well... I spent the next day in the hotel room, doing my best to sleep off the pain. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what all happened, but I'm pretty sure I missed out on some things. A large group of us went to church service that evening for Ash Wednesday (in the Eastern Orthodox Church). I struggled making it through the service, and talked with a professor's wife afterward to see if she happened to have any medicine that might help. Again, these were before the days that over-the-counter meds were the equivalent to tic-tacs for me. She didn't have anything, but apparently one of the professors (or his fiance) dealt with migraines and had some meds and knowledge of migraine. 

I talked with this professor, and he helped get me some meds and made sure I was going to be okay. He told me that I'd be excused from the following day's class trip to the Acropolis. I told him that there was NO way that I was going to miss that trip! How could I miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like that?!?! He assured me that he'd help any way he could, if I decided to go the following day.

He checked on me the next morning at breakfast. I was still in quite a lot of pain, but was beyond determined to go with the group. So, he gave me a few suggestions on how to make it through the day outside in the blinding sun. I had sunglasses, a borrowed hat, a jacket or blanket draped over my head... luckily, we'd walk a bit and then stop and sit for lectures at various locations. He checked on me off and on throughout the day. I listened to him lecture. Someone helped make sure I was alright walking places. And, I peeked my head out to see the sites as much as I possibly could.

The Acropolis is one of the MOST interesting and beautiful sites I've ever seen! I would have deeply regretted missing the opportunity to visit it, so I'm glad that I was able to push through the pain and participate as much as I could. To this day, Greece (especially the Acropolis in Athens) is one of my favorite places in the world!

*I'm going to post a follow-up post to this later today, to share a few more reflections... so, please stay tuned.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

4-Year Anniversary of Car Accident

Anniversaries of my car accident have affected me in very different ways, over the last 5 years. Last year (2012) was a very difficult one...

• 3-Year Anniversary of Car Accident

October 10, 2012 marked the fourth anniversary of my car accident. It actually snuck up on me. I freaked out the moment I looked down on the computer and saw the date, everything just hit me all at once... and hard!

It was all I could do to reach out - I texted with a dear, dear friend that really helped me through that time... and many moments since then. I believe that the way she comforted me was amazing, and is worth sharing.

When someone is hurting (mentally, physically, emotionally), I think there are some important ways or things that someone can do to show they care. Not every person will necessarily be able to offer all of these, but hopefully the hurting individual gets them from one or several people.

Validation
She validated the pain and panic that I was experiencing: "What a horrific thing to suddenly remember and have on your mind. Seems normal given situation... Understandably upsetting. It sucks."

Offer help / support
She offered help: "What can I do for you? Trying to avoid saying trite things..."

Safety
She reminded me that I'm safe: "...want you to remember that you are safe."

Present moment
She brought my focus back to the present: "Look around you. See where you are. Hug Honey Bee. Listen to the noises of the house. You are safe."

Reminder
She shared a very important reminder that I've used over and over again: "Darling, remember PAIN TAKES AWAY OUR PERSPECTIVE. And you are really suffering right now and having memories. Try to stay in the moment, just for right now."

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

A Small Dose of Inspiration

I love quotes! I believe that words are filled with power, and inspiring words are simply priceless. Today's post is about sharing three favorite quotes. I'm not sure that these are my favorites, but they speak to where I'm currently at in my journey.

"I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."  ~Edward Hale 

"Don't be afraid of your flaws; acknowledge them and let God use you anyway. Quit worrying about what you're not and give God what you are."  ~Joyce Meyer 

"Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light."  ~Victor Raymond Edman

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.