Allowing What I Need Right Now

I'm grateful for words that show up at the perfect moment and resonate.

Photo by Andreas Wagner on Unsplash

"Allow yourself the things you need right now. Whether that's space, rest, support, or something else, know that you are not a burden for taking care of yourself." - To Write Love On Her Arms

I'll admit that I don't always do the best at identifying or allowing myself what I need in the moment. It's something I've been intentionally working on... and it feels like life is giving me tons of opportunities to practice.

I have read the above quote at different moments over the past few months. It remains something I need reminded of, even though my responses to it have varied. 

• I have no idea what I need right now or how to make it through this pain, this grief, this moment. None of those things will bring relief or reprieve. 
• I am doing all the things I'm able to do for what I need right now, including, acknowledging that various pains (physical, mental, emotional) often team up with one another and have a propensity for telling lies. 

I'm fighting back with truths:

• This moment is hard, and I will make it through.
• The pain and grief are real, and I'm anchored to the One that will see me through each wave of every storm.
• I am doing what I can to take care of myself, and that is always enough.️

I know that there's likely more I want to write and explore on the topic. I'm choosing to focus on getting through the current storm, jotting thoughts down as I'm able, and being ok with revisiting them when I'm better able to. 

A Year in Review, Kinda (2021)

I like things to be in order. I always have. Sometimes, it gets me locked into place and prevents me from starting or reaching out or sharing at all. It's more than ok to start from where you are... from where I am. That's where we are: now, this moment.

This year has included many health-related challenges, including a hospitalization, multiple infections,
major surgery, new symptoms, testing, imaging, new diagnoses. Oh my!

Photo by v2osk on Unsplash

I've faced a lot, made it through a lot, and learned a lot. 

I'm still going through a lot, processing through a lot, and focusing on healing a lot. 

A lot.

It's been nonstop.

Generally, my primary way of processing is through writing. It's how I move through life's ups and downs... especially the latter.

This year, though, my writing has been more focused on documenting what's going on, defining a bunch of new to me terms, and doing my best to wrap my mind around it all. The processing part has been tricky, as I've often been merely trying to get through one moment to the next. 

I want to write.
I want to process. 
I want to share.

I need to survive.

There are times that the physical side of recovery consumes all of my energy. That's compounded by trying to strike a balance of allowing the emotional aspects to ebb and flow, and not getting completely swept away by the waves of emotion. Physical pain is rarely experienced without an emotional impact, at least for me.

So, I write thoughts down. What that looks like varies: snippets of thoughts or ideas, a list of questions, prayers, words or songs that resonate with me, unedited raw emotion, a moment when dots suddenly connect... even a complete blog post.

Then, weeks and months (and, sometimes, years) pass by before I finish or share / post what I started writing in the midst of it all.

I know that it's ok. And, it can feel overwhelming.

I have to start somewhere. Somewhere is here. Now.

I'm struggling. On multiple fronts. 

There are times that it feels like there's no time, space, or energy to slow down to process something before another thing drops. 

I recognize that I'm in a season of needing to focus on my health and hurts. I know that it's important. Crucial, even. I know that it's what I need to do. And, it's really hard. 

I'm not comfortable with needing to focus on my stuff so intently, for so long. It's exhausting. 

I'm well-versed in managing and seeking support for the chronic illnesses I've had for years. Asking for and accepting help have been things I've gotten much better at over the years (Help: A Four-Letter Word). The trouble is, there's been so much new health stuff this year, and I don't yet know what help or support I need to ask for. 

It's frustrating to so frequently have something new, worse, and/or more going on with my health. I feel like I don't have much left to give to others... and, that... that is so hard.

I acknowledge that feeling it doesn't make it true. It's a self-judgment / critique. I truly believe that a poll of my people would show that I'm giving others love, support, care in multiple ways and that I am and have always been enough.

I'm also able to recognize that I've grown in how I handle and face uncertainty, change, loss, complexity. I'm still learning and growing, for sure. 

I don't know how things will look here on my blog moving forward. I plan to continue to use this space as a place to process and share. I think that might look like a combination of words I wrote in the moment and where I'm at in the process now. 

I'm looking forward to writing and sharing more of my journey. 

"No matter how big or small, allow yourself the chance to reflect on all of the things you've championed in the past year. You are allowed to feel proud of yourself." - Olimatta Taal

13 Years Later, Now

I recently posted Reflecting 12 Years Post Accident, which I wrote in 2020. Please feel free to click over and give it a read. While I don't post about it every year, I felt the need to, again, this year (2021).

Mixed emotions. That's how I feel, as the 13th anniversary of my car accident approaches. Each year hits a bit differently. It doesn't always affect me. I took the power of that date back several years ago. I know that the date isn't inherently bad... yet, I feel the weight of it a bit more this year.

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

This year, it makes sense why it's on my mind more.

On September 30, I woke with what I labeled a "sleeping injury." I had pain and limited range of motion in my right shoulder and neck. I joked about how ridiculous our bodies are, that I could hurt myself while in an unconscious state.

I figured it was simply a matter of sleeping weirdly and that it would dissipate in a few days.

It didn't.

The tightness, pain, limited range of motion worsened each day. I've tried: heat, ice, muscle relaxers, nsaids, theracane, lidocaine patch, gentle massaging and stretching.

My sleep and daily functioning are both being disrupted and limited. I want to write, but I'm having a difficult time physically doing so.

There's an emotional component to this pain, as well, as it's reminiscent of past trauma / pain.

I know that our minds are prone to distort or misremember things, including pain experiences. This is often compounded by time. Understanding all of that, there's still a familiarity with the pain and limited range of motion I've been experiencing.

I injured my neck and right shoulder in a 2008 car accident. While I don't fully remember a chunk of time after the accident, I remember pieces. One of those pieces is that there was a lot of pain and I was physically very limited in using my right arm and neck.

Two years after the car accident, I had a neurostimulator implanted (2010). I had a very long and difficult recovery, including severely limited range of motion in my neck.

I've been doing a good job recognizing the connection to these past traumas / events that my mind and body are making, and reminding myself that they are separate. The car accident isn't happening right now. I am safe. 

In light of current struggles, I'm being reminded:

• Healing isn't linear - past grief, trauma, loss, challenges keep showing up. Each time they do, I do my best to feel it and process through.
• I'm safe - it can be especially difficult to remember this, when there's such similarity in how I feel (physically and/or emotionally). 
• I'll get through this, as I have previous challenges.

Update: I was seen by primary care on 10/5. I woke on the 13th anniversary day (10/10) with the first notable improvement in symptoms since they started. I'm so grateful for that. I have imaging and doctor appointments on the schedule to help determine the path forward.

Evolution: How Being a Patient Has Changed Me

Today's topic is "Evolution. Write about how being a patient or caregiver has changed you. How have your goals changed? Have your values changed?"

There are so many things that come to mind for this topic. I have changed a lot, since I started living with chronic debilitating pain 5-years ago. I've written quite a lot on the topic of change... here's one that jumps out in my mind:  Change: Life Since the Accident (Jan 6).

Slowing down
I've learned (and am still learning) to slow down. It hasn't been easy, as I was always on the go, before my accident. I planned nearly every hour of my day... man, was I a planner! But, that doesn't work for me now. I have to be mindful of my body's limitations in a way that I never did before. Otherwise, my body may just shut down and/or I later pay a very high price. So, I find my life is a much slower pace than most others, but that's what I need.

Living in the present
I'm learning more and more to simply live in the present moment. It's harder for me to do at some times than others, but I'm much better at doing it than I used to... I still have a way to go, though. When I'm having good moments, I do my best to cherish and enjoy them, regardless of how long they last. When I'm having very painful moments, I do my best to tend to my body and turn my focus on God - thanking Him for what I have, asking for His peace through the storm, praying for others who are experiencing any pain, etc.

Depending on others
I grew up to be an independent woman, and I've always taken pride in that. So, being thrust into a position of truly needing to depend on others was a huge (undesired) lesson in humility, among other things. I still have difficulty with asking for help, but I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with asking for and accepting assistance from others. I think it's an important lesson for everyone - not to depend on others for everything, but to be able to ask for and accept help when needed.
* There's a blog post that I started almost 2.5 years ago regarding independence / dependence... I think I'll work on finishing and posting that in the next few days. 

Gratitude
I find myself filled with gratitude in a different way than I was before. My list of things I'm grateful for includes even the simplest of things that I used to just take for granted. And, as humbling as that can sometimes be, it keeps me focused on the things, big and small, that God has blessed me with.

I have changed
I've become more focused on my priorities, stronger in my faith, more outspoken in health matters (especially concerning justice for those with disabilities), more understanding of others, and more forgiving of myself and others.

Goals have changed
My goals have changed. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I don't have my 5- or 10- (and so on) year plan on the tip of my tongue. My goals aren't SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound), like I was trained to believe is necessary. Perhaps it is necessary, but I don't feel a specific drive or calling of something to do in my life right now. And, while that sometimes makes me extremely anxious and like something must be wrong with me, I'm doing my best to trust that God has a plan for me.

Overall, even though I don't have SMART goals, I do feel more focused on a clear life purpose: to faithfully follow God, allowing Him to work in and through me wherever I am and however He desires. Now, that's not to say that I don't struggle along the way. I don't have any clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, but I'm doing my best to root myself in the One who does know.

This post was written as part of the National Health Blog Posting Month (NHBPM). Other bloggers will share their posts on this FB page.

A Life-Affirming Visit

You know those amazing, life-affirming visits with someone (be it a friend or a stranger), where you leave feeling that your soul has been refreshed / renewed?

I had one of those Sunday night. I had a chance to visit with a long-time friend of the family, who I only get to see every four or five years. She happened to be in town for a few days, and I (thankfully) was feeling well enough to visit a bit with her and some of my family.

She and I chatted with one another for a little while, and I feel that we connected in a special way. She shared with me how she saw me before the chronic migraines (very active and busy, an intellectual, etc), and then recognized and allowed me to talk about the difficulties that have come with learning to live life with so much pain and so many limitations. She said she knows I've always been determined and strong, and that she knows I'll do my best to be and live as well as possible.

She shared bits of wisdom that she's learned over a lifetime of experiences... bits of wisdom that seem so simple and basic, but are truly life-changing:

• Listen carefully to your body.
• Do what feels right to and for you (call it your gut, instinct, or just a feeling).
• Be okay / comfortable with the decisions you make.
• What others say to / about you is about them, not you.
• Don't spend precious time and energy on wasteful things. 

• such as, thinking or worrying about... what others say to/about you, expectations of self and others (what you should be doing), what may or may not happen, and other things that are out of our control.

• There is meaning and purpose in life, even when it doesn't feel like there is.
• The faith that we gain during times of struggle are priceless.

I'm sure there are other things that'll keep coming to mind, as the words shared between us play in my mind further. There were aspects of this journey that I haven't talked about in quite a long time (like identifying myself with my intellect, and the loss of that when I struggled with and then decided not to continue graduate school). It was interesting for me to see what I've dealt and come to terms with, and what is still a little raw to talk about. I know that this is all a journey, and it was nice to share parts of my journey with this friend.

I feel validated and better understood. I also feel a renewed sense of hope and direction that feels great!

I count myself so blessed to have this person in my life, and that she was willing to spend some time sharing with and really listening to me. My heart is filled with gratitude!

Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 3)

I would be lying if I said that I don't need to forgive both myself and others. I'm very self-critical, but I can be pretty critical of others as well.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,
because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you" (C.S. Lewis)

Until we forgive, we are in a self-made prison and at a stand-still in our relationship with God. If we don't forgive, we will lose our appetite for prayer, the Scriptures, Christian fellowship... we cut ourselves off from God.

I've been in that self-made prison before, where the appetite for prayer, the Scriptures, and Christian fellowship it lost. It's a lonely and dark place to be.

"Forgiveness happens inside the person doing the forgiving. It heals our pain and resentment before it does anything for the person we forgive; they might never know about it" (Lewis Smedes, author of The Art of Forgiving, Morrings, 1996).

My car accident, and the resulting health struggles, has often left me feeling lonely. There are some of my friends that I felt would (and should? - see, being critical) be there for me in ways that they simply weren't / haven't been. It has hurt me so deeply that I find myself trying to trudge through latent resentment, which has held me back from doing all I should to help heal these relationships.

If you are having difficulty forgiving someone, ask yourself in what way you might lack forgiveness for yourself.

I have been looking a lot at what I need to forgive myself for, in hopes that it would free me to be able to forgive others. The Bible does not specifically speak of forgiving ourselves.

"Not forgiving ourselves is a symptom, which will take care of itself if we truly forgive others and receive prayers of healing" (from here).

So, I should be working harder to forgive others, that I, too, may be forgiven.

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15).

"Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation" (Luke 11:4).

In order to forgive, we must release old perceptions and unresolved hurts, but that does not mean that we have to trust him/her or condone inappropriate behavior. We can forgive, while still keeping healthy boundaries. But, forgiveness releases us from the chains of unresolved resentment, and allows us to open our heart and freely consider the future of our relationships.

"Forgiveness is our decision to accept God's grace to let go of the hurt due to sins committed against us and to express this by acts of mercy and love toward the offender" (from here; see Luke 15:20-24).

We are called to forgive immediately (see Matthew 5:25) and indefinitely - "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:22).

We are called to pardon / forgive others, before we are asked for forgiveness.. and even if we are never asked for forgiveness.

"None of us can forgive by our own power. "To err is human, to forgive divine," [Alexander Pope] and we are not divine. However, the Lord promised us His divine power to forgive. Therefore, forgiveness is our decision to accept God's grace to forgive" (from here).

I'm trying to let go of the unresolved resentment that I've held onto toward myself and others. But, I'm trusting in God's mercy and in His timetable.

We must ask for the grace of forgiveness, and then let go - it may take a short or long period of time, but it will come.

I already have the grace and forgiveness of my loving Father, and that makes all the difference.

"The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world."  (Marianne Williamson)

Lessons Series:
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 1)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 2)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 3) 

Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 2)

I've dealt with mounting guilt for missing activities and events, but I need to figure out how to be more gentle with myself. It's not that I want to miss these events. It's out of my control... it's due to a neurological condition.

• Forgiveness is "to grant pardon for an offense; to cease to feel resentment against."
• Grace is "favor or goodwill... a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior... mercy; clemency; pardon."

"For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13)

Forgiveness is about releasing your negative emotions and perceptions about painful events. Holding onto anger, resentment, etc. keeps you chained to those people or events. Forgiveness releases us from the heavy burden and tight hold that unresolved negative emotions have on us.

Holding onto unresolved feelings demands our attention and leads us to expend a lot of energy on issues of the past. Forgiveness, of ourselves and others, frees us to live in the present moment.

"The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time.
And that's why when one has become a forgiving person,
and has managed to let go of the past,
what they've really done is they've shifted their relationship with time."
- Caroline Myss

Learning to live in the present moment has become increasingly important for me to learn to do - it's unhealthy to constantly try to live in the past (especially the life I had before chronic migraines), and I'm unable to plan very much for the future because my illness is so unpredictable. So, the present is all I have.

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:12-13)

Forgiveness is also the acceptance of who we are, exactly the way we are. Oh, how terrible I am at this! I am my own worst critic and judge myself in the harshest ways. I know that I need to ease up on myself, which starts with forgiving myself for being so hard on myself in the past. But, forgiveness isn't something that I can just know and say... it can only happen through God's grace. I have the desire to forgive... I have the desire to accept myself exactly how I am... and I will work to fan the flames of these desires, until I really feel it through my very core.

In order to prepare ourselves to forgive (either ourselves or another person), we must find the desire to forgive. We must recognize and accept our feelings, exactly as they are, even as we desire to change them. "Once we have compassion for ourselves, the desire for forgiveness arises within" (from here).

I know that accepting the grace of forgiveness will take time. And, as everything else in life, this will happen according to God's timetable, not my own. I must be patient; and continue to do my best to let go of how I've been in the past, accept the way I am in the present, and choose to be less critical and judgmental of myself and others in the future (being more compassionate and understanding with myself and others).

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 1)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 2)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 3)

Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 1)

The life lesson I've been consistently faced with has been in forgiveness.

"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye" (Matthew 7:2-5)

** I wrote most of this post toward the end of February 2012, but I didn't get it finished (then I forgot about it... then I forgot to publish the post... so, here it is a year later!) **

With the return of longer-lasting migraines (well, it was just as hard with the random migraines every few days because of the prodrome and postdrome), I've been unable to keep the apartment very clean. I don't have to have things perfect, but I like things orderly. Things have just gotten completely out of control. Jeremy works all day, and then comes home and takes care of me... so, chores like dusting just get pushed to the side.

My memory has been beyond bad (as I previously discussed in Migraine Brain). Sometimes, I can't remember something long enough to get it written down on a piece of paper right in front of me. I forget to follow-up with family and friends about things happening in their lives. I have trouble doing any sort of cooking, especially if it involves halving or doubling a recipe - thankfully, Jeremy has helped me fix these little mistakes a lot.

The first half of this year is filled with all kinds of events with friends and families (birthday parties, bridal showers, weddings, etc...). I've already either cancelled or struggled to get through several, and I HATE it!!! I pretty much missed my nephew's 4th birthday party because of a migraine (I spent the party out in the hall sleeping off my migraine and meds). I really want to be there for family and friends, especially for special events. My sister is getting married in a few months (June 2012), and there are a lot of events between now and then... I want so badly to be there for her through this exciting season (and I will do my best to do so), it's just not all in my hands or ability to control.

I've done some reading online, thinking / reflecting, and praying about grace and forgiveness. It's something that's going to take time and practice, but I'm trying.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9)

Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day

"There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, / and love for the broken hearts. / There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing / that meets you wherever you are. / Cry out to Jesus"

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 1)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 2)
Lessons: Grace & Forgiveness (Part 3)

Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

When I was in my car accident (October 2008), my life suddenly came to a complete hault! I couldn't work, I had to move back home with my parents (oh, how I'm so grateful to have such amazing parents!), and I had to face a whole slew of imperfection that I wasn't prepared for. We'll fast-forward a bit (partially because I'd rather not even try to remember, and partially because I simply can't remember, the months directly following the accident).

"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches.
If suffering alone taught,
all the world would be wise,
since everyone suffers.
To suffering must be added
mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness
and the willingness to remain vulnerable."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

After living with my parents for the 10 months following the accident, I moved to Tulsa to start graduate school (and live alone, until Jeremy and I were married and he finished school early the following year). I felt that I was ready to try to return to school... and/or maybe I just couldn't cope with the thought that I wouldn't be able to return to and do well in school. I didn't have a clear-cut financial plan, but I was able to get an assistantship lined up a few days before classes started. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

"A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." -John Henry Newman

So, I became a full-time student, a part-time graduate assistant, and I was planning a wedding for mid-semester... not the best of ideas, but I was excited and determined... things that I hadn't felt in months. My health didn't play along well with my plans, though.

I felt like I was keeping up well with my classes, so I never disclosed or sought accommodations for my disability... at least not until the end of the semester, when it was "too late." I was scared to death by some of the things that I was feeling for the first time... I'm actually scared to even say it here... I'd never even thought about cheating before I started having so much trouble with grad school. I lost a lot of productivity because of my health, and my brain simply didn't work so much of the time -- I wasn't able to read and/or I'd start reading and have to constantly re-read passages, knowing that none of it was going to my memory... I misunderstood even simple questions... I couldn't think on the spot, which affected my participation in class... I struggled with recalling information on tests, even once I sought assistance and was given more time for testing (it helped a little, but I still struggled so much). I HATED myself for the mere fact of even having thoughts of cheating. I didn't act on it, but that showed in many of my grades. It was an extremely rough cycle.

"Unless I accept my faults I will most certainly doubt my virtues." - Hugh Prather

I did start seeing a therapist / counselor on-campus, but it didn't help at all. I started seeing someone off-campus in the spring / summer, who was able to help me with my PTSD, which had been getting worse (flashbacks, still super-jumpy in cars, etc). It seems to have helped a lot (with my PTSD, but not with coping with chronic pain), though I still struggle with being jumpy in cars.

Anyway, I completed the semester by being placed on academic probation (because my GPA was 2.67, less than the required 3.0). That was a breaking point for me! I know that grades aren't everything, but school and academics has always been "my thing." I've always identified myself, at least in large part, by my intellectual capacity. And, then, I found myself on academic probation?!

It wasn't even just that... I was barely able to work any hours for my graduate assistantship (I won't even say how few I was able to work because it's embarrassing and heartbreaking to me). Between my migraines, anxiety, and trouble keeping up with classes... I just couldn't do it. Then, the spring semester got even worse! My graduate assistantship was with a different professor. Between her being sick, my health being worse than ever, and lack of communication between us... let's just say that I was chewed out and humiliated several times, putting  things like my dependability and hard-working qualities into question. I hit another breaking point! All of those things that she criticized me about (communication, dependability, availability, and hard-working) are things that I felt confident and proud of myself for being... at least before the accident. Another huge piece of my identity missing.

Back to academics - I worked so hard during the spring semester (on academic probation), and utilized the assistance from the school's center for student academic support - Jeremy and I were married, and he was living with and helping take care of me. I was determined to get myself off of probation. I knew I may not be able to return to school, but I wanted it to be my choice - I couldn't bear the thought of getting kicked out of graduate school (the pain of that thought was even more painful than the thought of not being able to finish the program). I completed the semester with a 3.67 GPA, which raised my overall GPA to 3.17. My health took a huge beating, though.

I decided to take a leave of absence, not knowing if I'd ever really return. It was extremely difficult to make the decision to not return to school to finish the 2-year program (plus internship). There were a lot of different considerations in making the decision, but it was the right choice for many different reasons. Honestly, I knew for a while that I wasn't going to return, but I couldn't handle making it an official decision... I had to work to get to a point of accepting it, first. This kept us in Tulsa longer than we would've liked to have been, but Jeremy was very understanding that I needed to really come to terms with my decision about school before I could leave.

"The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues. You can't separate them. They're wedded." - Henry Miller

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)

I know that no one is capable of being perfect or always being #1... we're all imperfect humans. But, the impossibility didn't seem to affect the standards I held for myself.

"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker

I breezed through school pretty easily. I did my homework, studied for tests (I think - ha), took honors classes, etc... but, I really never struggled much with school. I participated in sports (cross-country, track, softball), I had friends from many different cliques (I wasn't popular, but I had a good group of close friends). I don't think it really occurred to me that people smoked, did drugs, drank alcohol, had sex, etc. - I knew that some of those things happened, but not in my circle of friends - yes, I lived in a protective little bubble.

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible" - William Faulkner

When it came time to apply to colleges, I applied to three private universities... and was accepted to all three. I selected my favorite (and the one that offered me the most money - still very expensive, but the best financial option of the three) - it instantly felt right, when I stepped foot on campus. I definitely chose the best college for me! I did very well in college, but it was the first time I had to try that hard and the first time that I had to truly come to terms with it being okay not to get all A's (not sure I ever really did come to terms with that, but I tried). I made some great friends and memories, and grew so much as a person.

I worked (part-time) through much of high school and all of college. I got every job I applied for, and even completed two paid internships during college. When I began searching for a full-time job for after graduation, I applied to A LOT of different jobs. I had several different interviews, and got a job offer from all but one. I accepted a job about a month before graduation, and started working just two weeks after graduation.

"One minute was enough, Tyler said, a person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection." - Chuck Palahniuk

I succeeded at my job in ways that I didn't even expect. I learned a lot, even though it wasn't the right job for me. I never thought of it as permanent... my intentions were simply to do the best and learn the most I could from the job, earn as much money as I could to start paying off student loans, and then return to graduate school to continue my studies, marry my boyfriend (since high school... and long-distance relationship all through college), and live happily ever after (so to speak). Let's just say, that's not exactly what happened.

I applied to several different graduate school programs, but I was only accepted to one (I was "runner-up" to one of the other schools, but all of those accepted to the school decided to attend). It was pretty difficult for me to come to terms with not being accepted to more schools. I know how selective and competitive these programs are, but it didn't matter... I expected more from myself. I didn't know how I was going to move away and pay for yet another private university, so I postponed my graduate school for a year. That would've been fine, but I had my auto accident a few months after making that decision...

"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." - Samuel McChord Crothers 

By the time I was in my mid-20s, several lessons became abundantly clear (painful, yet important lessons):

• Grades aren't everything. It's more important to integrate the knowledge and formulate your own self-philosophy than to simply regurgitate the information on a test.
• Life experiences and achievements are not to be forced... they are to be lived and savored.
• A full existence requires a combination of "rain and shine."
• Just because I want something, and work my hardest to get it, doesn't mean that I can get or do it. I can do everything I'm "supposed" to do, and things still may not work out like I want (or expect) them to.

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)

From as far back as I can remember, I was terrified of being "imperfect." I don't really know why or from where this stemmed from. My parents have always loved and supported me unconditionally, and yet I place(d) so much pressure on myself to be "perfect."

Honestly, I never thought of it as perfect versus imperfect. I just had SUPER high expectations for myself, and I was very critical if I didn't reach them (even if I came very close... actually, mostly when I came very close).

"Always live up to your standards - by lowering them, if necessary." - Mignon McLaughlin

My parents have told me that the first time I got a 99% (instead of a 100%) on a homework assignment in elementary school, I came home in tears... they probably knew at that moment that we were in for a rough ride. Apparently, they tried to tell me that a 99% is very good, but I just wouldn't hear it. HA!

Realistically, I haven't reached MANY of my expectations and goals. I could list them here, but that would be a bit depressing. It's always bothered me, though, that many of my goals were missed by a mere hair. I was just a little short of meeting them, and that actually made it more difficult to accept.

"When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target." - George Fisher

I was brought up believing that I could achieve anything I really set my mind to. And, for the most part, that was true (based on my experiences). All through school (including college), I was good at a lot of things, but not "brilliant" in anything in particular.

I wasn't like those people that have known since childhood that they wanted to be a teacher or doctor (for instance). I went through different phases of what I wanted to be... none of which were really connected (vet, artist, architect, accountant, psychologist, business woman, writer). I truly believed that I could be good at whatever I chose, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I was "supposed" to do. I felt that God could use me in any of those fields, so I didn't know where to go. Constantly hearing, "You're so lucky to be good at so many things... You can do anything, whatever you want" is beyond stressful! I didn't think it was luck at all. I felt almost cursed. Others around me felt a clear calling for a certain vocation, and I felt... LOST! I still feel pretty lost, but let's continue on with this discussion of imperfection...

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without." - Confucius

Part of me wishes that someone would've told me that there's so much more to life than being perfect... but, I think that A LOT of people did tell me that, and I refused to truly listen. See, I knew it to be true, and yet I continued to try to hold myself to crazy-high standards (it probably didn't help that I was surrounded by over-achieving perfectionists, too).

"Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence."
- Vince Lombardi

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)

This is a continuation from Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1).

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business” - Michael J. Fox

Perfection is the evil twin of excellence. Seeking to be perfect is all about me. Perfection demands to be right always, and it sets us up to becoming very self-righteous. Seeking excellence, on the other hand, is about honoring God. It's about being willing to change and improve, so that we can become what God made us to be.

"Perfection is motivated by the flesh. Excellence motivated by the Holy Spirit.Perfection glorifies self. Excellence brings glory to God.Perfection is rooted in insecurity. Excellence is rooted in a secure relationship with God.Perfection is being seeking to be perfect at all times. Excellence is doing your very best at the level you are.Perfection is running a race that never ends. Excellence is going the extra mile.
Perfection can not be obtained by anyone except Jesus Christ. Excellence can be obtained by the youngest or most mature Christian"

- Tim Forsthoff at Cornerstone Church

God’s Word teaches us that:

• No one can ever be perfect - "We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins" (Romans 3:22-24)
• Seeking perfection is trying to act like God - "There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God" (I Samuel 2:2)
• God wants us to seek excellence - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8)
• Excellence is possible - "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal,but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" (Philippians 3:12)
• My partner in seeking excellence is the Holy Spirit - "But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:26-27)

Erika at Keeping It Personal has a beautifully written post, Perfectionism. It's a fairly short read, but it's so very powerful! Here's just a sample:

"I want my life, my efforts, all of me to count for something... Friend, you do matter... far more than you think. Not only are you a daughter of the King, God has gifted you and called you. He has put desires and dreams in your heart. For most of us, we have let distractions, busyness, good intentions, and worries mute the cry of our hearts and bury those God-given dreams. But they are there. Find them. Ask Him to open your eyes and soften your heart, that you might know His calling for you... For it’s not perfectionism that stops us, that holds us back. It’s fear. Far too often, fear is the dictator of our lives. And that’s not how we were called to live" (Perfectionism).

Sandy at God Speaks Today has also written a couple powerful blog posts about Freedom From Perfection.

“Perfectionism is a spiritual weight that directly affects the freedom promised to us in the Word of God" 

"So, maybe excellence is more a pursuit of character qualities—the attributes of God, like virtue and love and justice and mercy…God cares about how we do things. Whether it’s done well, or not-so-well. But I think He’s much more concerned with the attitude behind the doing…That we see with spiritual eyes the depth of acceptance God has for us, even in especially in our messy condition. That we always remember, because we have been forgiven much, we can love all the more. That we finally and completely Embrace Imperfect—and then go in peace"  

- God Speaks Today, "Freedom from Perfection

Lessons Series:



Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)

Well, it's pretty fitting that I haven't posted this until now (though I started it back in April) because I wanted to get it "just right." But, I've gotten to the point where I just need to get it out there. I'm never done learning, so all of what I write is unfinished.

Perfectionism is "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially: the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness."

"Perfectionism is the need to be - or to appear - perfect. Perfectionists are persistent, detailed and organized high achievers. They vary in their behaviors; some strive to conceal their imperfections, others attempt to project an image of perfection. But all have in common extremely high standards for themselves or for others. Perfectionism is not officially recognized as a psychiatric disorder. However extreme forms of perfectionism should be considered an illness similar to narcissism, obsessive compulsiveness, dependent-personality disorder and other personality disorders because of their links to distress and dysfunction” - Gordon Flett, professor of psychology at York University in Toronto

Our society seems to support the idea or belief of perfectionism, and imperfection is viewed negatively. But, perfection is merely the idea of a perceived ideal state. It's not attainable, and yet we strive to be perfect.

I've struggled with perfectionism for the majority of my life. I often keep myself in this vicious cycle of setting unreachable goals and then failing to attain them (even before my accident, when I wasn't limited in the ways I am now). I place constant pressure on myself, becoming self-critical and anxious, which has often lead to depression. Thankfully, I'm (slowly) learning to ease up on myself.

I've always tried to do everything myself, my way. Perfectionism is self-reliance that has gone too far (that's gone amuck). I've always had this need to at least feel a sense of control, which I can now see kept me from really letting go and handing things over to God... I always tried to hold on to it, just a little. I've been able to let go of much more than I used to (still a learning process), and it's truly liberating!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)

Living life striving for perfection keeps us from ever truly feeling a sense of happiness and satisfaction. How can you enjoy the present moment, if your mind is constantly planning and thinking about the future... or thinking about what went wrong in the past? I've struggled so much with this... struggling to feel satisfaction or contentment because my perception is always clouded by perfectionism. But, there is no peace in a life striving for perfection.

All of this is not to say that we shouldn't strive to do well and be the best we can be. But, there's a very fine (yet life-changing) line between striving for excellence and striving for perfection.

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Finding Joy

Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 1)
Lessons: Perfectionism (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 3)

Lessons: Finding Joy

I've come so far in being able to feel true happiness for others and the things that are happening in their lives, but sometimes I find it so very difficult. It makes me feel guilty, and I hate being unable to share in their joy.

Since my accident, I've struggled with feeling like everyone else is moving forward, while I just seem to stay in place... stagnant. Sometimes, everything seems to be happening around me, while I remain on the sidelines. A good friend of mine described it as being on a treadmill - constantly walking, but never really getting anywhere.

I love that people are doing well. I think the world would be a horribly miserable place, if everyone was living in chronic pain. I also love being able to share in other people's lives, and I want people to be able to tell me anything, not having to "walk on eggshells" with me. But, it's sometimes heart-wrenching. When people talk to me about their hopes, dreams, goals, and achievements, it can be hard for me... especially if these things are similar to what my own hopes, dreams, and goals have been / are.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith
produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4)

I struggle with jealousy of people's lives because of what they're able to do that I can't. There are some things that I simply can no longer do. I'm coming to peace with some of the limitations that I have (not in a roll-over-and-let-the-illness-win way, but just accepting that there are limitations and trying to live the best life I can despite them). But, I haven't formed any hopes and dreams for my future with this disease. I don't know what's in my future, much less how to get there. So, seeing others move into areas that I have a passion for (and used to be very prepared to do) can be hard to swallow sometimes.

The struggle, guilt, and jealousy may not always be so strong as to bring me sadness; but I think they're always there, lurking in the background. I don't want to feel these things, especially not so strongly. I truly am grateful for all that I have. But, sometimes I just want to scream "WHY?!" Why does it seem that no matter what I do, there's no reprieve? I just feel so weary and worn down from the constant battle.

Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain

There are many lessons that can be learned, while trying to adjust and learn to live with chronic pain / illness. It can be difficult to remember to focus on the lessons and opportunities that can be found in the difficult and dark times of illness, but it's healthy to recognize that we're still growing... perhaps just differently than we previously anticipated - there are lessons I've learned over the past 3.5 years (since my accident) that I may not have had the chance to learn, otherwise (however, I wish they didn't have to be such painful lessons... oh well, such is life). Here are some of the lessons I've learned / am learning:

Never take life for granted! We aren't promised the next moment, so we must appreciate life here and now, in the present. Hug, love, laugh, share... make sure you show your love and appreciation to those that are there for you. Do it today... do it now... because everything you have today could be gone in a moment.

Enjoy the moment. This is related to the previous one. Living in the present moment is a wonderful... though sometimes a difficult and painful... lesson to learn. I like this picture and quote - I think it sums it up pretty well.

Learn how to say "no." I don't think of myself as having been a "yes" person, but I don't like having to tell people "no." Living with chronic illness has made saying "no" more of a necessity. It's not healthy for me to always say "yes" to people... not to mention, my future is so unsure / uncertain (I can't know how I'm going to be affected by my illness at any specific time) - I answer with "yes, but..." (a side note that I may have to cancel at the last minute) or "no," because I simply don't know whether I'll physically be able to do something. I have to thoughtfully consider my own limitations. Thus, I'm learning more about myself.

Trust your gut. I've always been pretty good at listening to my intuitions and trusting my gut instincts, but I randomly struggle with it. When it's related to health, things can get a bit tricky. We place our trust in doctors, and it's intimidating to even consider contradicting or questioning our doctors. But, if you disagree and / or are uneasy with the treatment plan your doctor recommends, you should discuss it with him / her. If you know that something just isn't quite right with your body, you should keep asking questions and seeking treatment (even if you have to go to multiple doctors to try to find some answers).

I feel like living with chronic pain has taught me to listen to my body better. I'm much more aware of when something I feel is different or "off." I don't think I really paid much attention to the subtleties of my body before having chronic pain / illness.

One difficulty with this, though, is that the pain can cloud your thinking. It can be difficult to judge whether something is, for example, bad enough to justify a trip to the emergency room. I know that I have a huge struggle with making any kind of decisions, when my pain gets very bad... so, I'm still working on this.

Acknowledge and accept limitations. This has been a huge struggle for me. I've never liked limitations, and especially not the strict ones that my chronic illness creates for / imposes on me. One of the most important things here, I believe, is to remember that acknowledging and accepting limitations does NOT mean you're "giving up" or "giving in" to the disease. It's just being more aware of what you can and cannot do, and living life within those borders.

I'm not able to spend much time in the sun. I have to break up tasks into baby steps. I have to take frequent breaks. I have to take so much into consideration, when deciding whether or not to do something (where it's at, what the lighting / sound / smells / etc will be like there, who will be there, how long I'll be out, how much walking / standing / sitting is required, etc...). It's definitely an ongoing process to accept the limitations and learn to live with / around them, but I'm learning.

Learn to be flexible. I've always been a planner, and I can't do that anymore because I can't know how I'm going to feel in the future (even in the next 5 minutes). I'm learning how to plan differently, by making lists of things that I need (or want to do) - I write if there's a deadline or specific priority to it, otherwise I don't put a date on it and just tackle things as I feel able to.

My husband and I are having to learn to "wing it," by just taking things one thing at a time. That sometimes means we cancel plans at the last minute, which both of us absolutely hate - we don't like it affecting / impacting other people. We've actually brought some humor to the necessity to "wing it" (much thanks to my husband for always being able to make me smile / laugh) - it makes things a bit more bearable, but it's still frustrating (especially when it impacts others).

Be patient. One of the lessons that can be learned from living with chronic illness is patience. What a huge challenge this is for me! Being patient is reinforced by many of the challenges and limitations we face - we live each moment not knowing what the next moment will hold... when the pain is going to worsen or return. It's a learning process to be able to live in the moment and truly enjoy what is happening in the present.

Learn how to ask for and accept help / assistance from others. I'm so used to being the one to help others... it has been very difficult for me to learn how to ask for help from others... and then to be able to accept that I need help, as well as the help that others offer me. It's an ongoing process, but I've gotten better at it. I don't like feeling that I can't do so many things, especially simple things that most people never consider to be a challenge at all. But, I've found that it's usually more painful to refuse to ask for help, than it is for me to accept the help of others... if nothing else, it's easier on my physical health... it's still a struggle emotionally.

There are many other lessons I've learned and / or am learning, but these are some pretty important ones.


Lessons Series:
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)
Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered
Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)
Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)


This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).

Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered

When you're diagnosed with a disease that is incurable, it can throw your life into a tailspin. All of a sudden, your life comes to a screeching halt. You're forced to focus on making it through each moment... hour... day... and simply taking life one tiny step at a time. Everything you've hoped and dreamed for your life comes crashing down around you, and uncertainty takes over. All of the things that you used to enjoy doing, you're suddenly unable to do. And, if you have an invisible illness that comes with stigma attached to it, you can't depend on a whole lot of compassion and support... even from some people that you thought were closest to you. People tend to fear what they don't know or understand, so many people simply detach themselves from the situation... leaving the person living with chronic illness feeling increasingly isolated.

I've actually read that some people living with chronic diseases actually wished their diagnosis had been cancer, instead of whatever they have. It may sound crazy, but I can sorta see where they're coming from. Of course, they don't really wish they had cancer and are by no means belittling cancer's severity... but, it would be amazing to have the same respect, compassion, understanding, and support that's given to cancer patients.

There may be less understanding and compassion for many of those living with chronic illness, but we can't just sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. We must learn to move from a suffering patient to an empowered individual. Some of the lessons that can help move us toward empowerment, include the following.

Be your own advocate. I've had to learn to be an advocate for myself. I don't blindly take advice from anyone, including doctors. There is no cure for Migraine, period. I'm simply doing my best to work with my doctors to find some way of improving my life, despite having this illness.

Let it go. This one is difficult for me, and I'm guessing that it will continue to be difficult... but I'm really working on it. I think there are several things I need to let go of, including:

• My fears and anxieties - I must hand these over to God. Allowing myself to get wrapped up the many fears and anxieties that inevitably come from living life in chronic pain helps no one. I don't want to be frozen in fear, and let life pass me by. 
• What others say and/or do - I can't let other people's thoughtlessness upset me. Whether or not others choose to try to understand what I'm going through, to be compassionate about what I'm going through, etc... is NOT up to me. It can be hurtful, but it's out of my control. All I can do, is love myself enough to do what I need to do to be as healthy and live as good a life as possible.
• The effects of my illness - I need to let go of the times that I have to turn down an invitation or miss an event. I can't control when the pain will be that bad (or how others will respond to canceled plans)... I need to learn to be more forgiving of myself when it happens (and, again, not be affected by how others respond / react).

Celebrate tiny milestones. Since so much of life becomes taking baby steps, it's important to remember to celebrate even the smallest of milestones. While others may not think that taking a shower, for example, is an achievement, it may very well be a big one. Give yourself credit for the steps you're making toward living the best life you can with chronic illness.

Find joy in new and/or different ways or things. You may not be able to do many of the things you once enjoyed and were good at, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything. Explore new areas and interests, and you might just find a hidden talent that you may otherwise have never have discovered. It's extremely difficult to lose the things we thought we valued so much, but living a life guided by trust in God can open us up to a whole new world and to opportunities that we never even considered or thought possible.

Decide you're going to go forward. Illness and disease can be an obstacle that you sit back and give in to OR it can be a challenge that you learn to live with and succeed despite it. Let this propel you forward into the future before you. Allow yourself to see where you've been, and where you are now... but you can't focus solely on what you've lost. Until there is a cure, you have to come to terms with the fact that there is a new normal - this is the new life you have to live... choose to live it!

Lessons Series:

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 1)

Lessons: Learning the Hard Way (Part 2)

Lessons: From Suffering to Empowered

Lessons: Learning From Life With Chronic Pain

Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 1)

Lessons: Learning to Accept Imperfection (Part 2)

This post was written as part of the Health Activist Writer's Awareness Challenge (HAWMC).