This post was written 4/9/2014:
I've been away for a long time, and though I'm ready to come out of the darkness I've been entrenched in, I don't really know how to... But, I have to try.
Honestly, the last few months are somewhat of a blur... in some ways, the anxiety and depression feel like they've been all but consuming me for so very long... but, the calendar tells me otherwise. But, that's what the dark duo does. It blurs and twists reality.
Being completely honest, I've been lost.
I have felt so much over the last few months... and, yet, so little. I've felt the weight of everything, indifference to everything, great sadness, complete helplessness.
Just a quick update on some things that have happened:
- One of my grandmothers passed away.
- My husband has been to (and currently is in) Afghanistan for work.
- Botox was tried twice and failed.
- Another treatment option brought on such side effects that it brought back fears of losing the weight I've (finally) gained back.
- My Lord has carried me through everything.
- My husband continues to be the most loving and supportive person in my life.
- My family has helped support me, especially when my husband isn't physically here to do so.
- I've gained back the weight I've lost and struggled to gain back over the last 5 years (finally back to pre-accident weight).
- I've reached out, when I didn't know that I could (and I have a couple cheerleaders that help me celebrate the victories / successes, like this, that are bigger steps than they seem - thank you!).
- I've taken care of myself, the dogs, and the house, while Jeremy has been out of the country.
- I had an amazing time with loved ones for several days around my birthday last weekend - I truly enjoyed myself.